Dirty Messy Love

ABOUT ME

Avery Ellis

I love writing a world to escape into. I hope you enjoy and can relate to this story called life.

LATEST STORIES

• Prom
  I asked my school if this older guy could escort me to the Senior Prom and they denied my request. So I didn’t go. The only way I would even entertain the idea was if he could take me. Ethan argued I should still go since I only get one and all that jazz. But… Read more: Prom
• Teen Love
  I’m 18 and he’s 21. He’s been shy and not forward whatsoever. Just respectful and sexy as hell. Sexy in that responsible, handsome, there’s a future here kind of way. Plus his neck and forearms made me tingle in places. I want him bad. We’ve already done, stuff. Just not all the way yet. It’s… Read more: Teen Love
• Divorced
  Our fifteen year anniversary was six months ago. I think maybe we went out to dinner. It’s been, such a long road… unpaved, unlit, massive pot holes, people darting out in front of us at night in the dark. A long, rough road. So much has been said. Too much. So much has gone unsaid.… Read more: Divorced
• First Kiss
  Ethan was the opposite of pushy. Extremely respectful. Too respectful? Is that a thing? I met him at a party, liked his “Define Girlfriend” Hollister shirt and didn’t give him a second thought. (I was crushing on his friend already.) I asked my friends, “so who’s the cute blonde?” (She still insists she was never… Read more: First Kiss
• It’s Time
  It’s 3am. I’m awoken by 19yr old Aria packing bags. She whispers, “I’m going into labor. But it’s ok, go back to sleep. I’m gonna take a bath and shave and stuff.” I groggily reply, eyes widening, “Oh. Okay. I love you.” Laying my head back on the pillow knowing my life is about to… Read more: It’s Time
• A Father’s Poem
  I just want to let you know, You mean the world to me. And as hard as the wind may blow, I will never take a knee. I hear you, in your silence. I understand you, in your violence. When, “I love you dad” you say, Every hardship ever, simply melts away And my world,… Read more: A Father’s Poem
• Apology to Aria
  I made a promise to you. And that meant something to you. I lied to ur face. Flat out, lie. I knew before I even made that promise I had zero intention of keeping it. And that’s just wrong. I had all my reasons. My daughters. But reasons don’t make it disappear. I still did… Read more: Apology to Aria
• Kitchen Revelation
  We’re living in Sicily, Italy. The people and tight knit helpful community, the pizza, the new friends, the culture, the pizza, the bakeries, the espresso… the pizza. It is magnificent. The first year here has been the best our marriage has ever seen. From my point of view. We’re parenting the most adorable and wildly… Read more: Kitchen Revelation
• I love you
  I love you so much. I don’t want to confuse you and I’m not trying to get back together or anything. I’m just saying I love you. We built something so crazy. We built a family from nothing and we did so much. So much driving, and sleeping, relaxing, movies, popcorn, hot chocolate, cuddling, lots… Read more: I love you
• Commitment
  I hate the commitment laundry requires. If you start it, you’re committed for the next couple hours of your life. Sigh. That’s no way to live.
• Maybe
  I’m ashamed to say I took my daughters’ love for granted for 14 years. I thought it was assumed. I thought it was a given. They’re little, young, naive, it doesn’t count… But when it’s gone…you’ll run through fire to get it back. When it’s gone your soul falls from your body flat on the… Read more: Maybe
• Nowhere
  They hate me. How am I the bad guy? I kept us together. For 15 years I kept us together. I was the one holding the house together with my own two hands as it ripped me apart day after day. She drank herself to divorce and she’s the hero. She’s the victim. How do… Read more: Nowhere
• Smiles
  Adrian. It’s all gonna be alright. It’s all gonna work out.We’re gonna smile and look up at the blue sky sun shining and smile, thinking about how this life of ours is finally great. And all this anguish was just a tiny blip.
• Home
  To go home To belong To feel loved To be missed To give love To melt in their arms To be squeezed to death To not be let go To be loved beyond comprehension
• Rage
  I wanna scream. I wanna throw my lamp across the room. I wanna smash my phone with a rock. I wanna push my tv on the floor. I wanna punch through my wooden headboard. I wanna break my fist on my concrete wall. Sounds pretty violent. It’s just this rage inside that I never even… Read more: Rage
• Liar
  I Lied To save my family I Lied To keep my daughters safe I Lied To give my babies a mom and dad I Lied To protect their future What does that make me? Do I deserve punishment? Do I deserve banishment? Does the why even matter? I’m so lost…
• Hindsight
  Could I have loved her if I tried harder? What if I just focused on and appreciated her love for me, because it was endless. Could that have sparked something inside me, giving me the realization I needed? Broken down the barrier that I had up? Maybe. Maybe that would’ve been enough. Maybe it was… Read more: Hindsight
• Loved?
  I didn’t feel loved as much as I felt…needed. As in medicinally. As if my presence was required to not go off the deep end. The deep end of thoughts, and anxiety, and destructive behavior. I couldn’t leave. I could barely go to the store alone. Much less have a conversation about divorce… Any time… Read more: Loved?
• Masks
  I was getting pretty emotional on my 45min drive home from work today. Mostly the same stuff that’s been rattling around in my head the past few days, weeks, years. Listening to sad folk music, putting me in a trance. I envisioned myself coming home to my daughters and just breaking down crying. Letting them… Read more: Masks
• Rest
  I get off work, get home, and lie down. I don’t do dishes. I don’t vacuum the house. I don’t clear cardboard in the garage. I don’t do laundry. I don’t shower or clip my nails. I get in pajamas, and I bury myself in a giant, soft, cushiony comforter; emphasis on the comfort. I… Read more: Rest