Dirty Messy Love

It’s 3am. I’m awoken by 19yr old Aria packing bags. She whispers, “I’m going into labor. But it’s ok, go back to sleep. I’m gonna take a bath and shave and stuff.”

I groggily reply, eyes widening, “Oh. Okay. I love you.” Laying my head back on the pillow knowing my life is about to change forever.

We all go downstairs to her moms kitchen and find sandwiches and snacks already made and packed for the long day ahead of us. We get comfy on the couch and put on some movies to pass the time and distract from the contractions.

After several hours and a few different movies, we finally think maybe it’s time to go. We pack up the car, I put towels down on the seat. I drive her in that same beautiful blue mustang to the hospital with her parents in tow. I offer to drop her off at the entrance but she insists we walk together from the car. Always so adorably stubborn this one. I find the closest parking spot and I walk her into the building. I let her mom take care of her while I attempt to install the dreaded car seat.

It’s…impossible. It’s a master puzzle that only firefighters can solve. My hand doesn’t fit in places it needs to. I’m sweating into my eye blinding myself. I eventually dislocate every bone in my hand in order for it to fit properly inside and buckle it into the car. Job done. I’m a hero.

We get checked in and get a room all to ourselves. We throw on a CD for music to rock out to but the player doesn’t work. Terrible luck. So I sing a little just to keep the mood up a bit. We laugh and love with each other. I do my best to keep up the spirits while she bares all the pain.

I never leave her side.

Eight hours go by and they send us back home. Not far along enough. So we pack everything back up and get sent on our way.

We watch more movies, attempt to nap, eat some food, play some games. After several more hours and contractions getting worse, we go back to the hospital.

She gets admitted and we wait. Patiently, impatiently, we hunker down for a long journey, coffee and snacks abound. Aria is takin’ it like a champ. Cool as ice. Pretty relaxed, laughing with the jokes, wanting the whole thing to be over with.

Thirty hours in and they finally give the okay for the epidural. That helps, a lot. She starts to feel much better. Not too long now…

The pain starts to grow. The contractions get faster. It’s time to start pushing. My heart starts to beat faster. I grab her hand and reassure her I’m by her side forever. Two hours of pushing, squeezing, breathing exercises (the ones we learned from the Lamaze class we got kicked out of for laughing too much), supporting her in any way I possibly could. They rush the doctor in. I stay up by Aria’s head the whole time giving her the privacy I feel she deserves. That is, until they tell me she’s crowning and to come take a look.

I’m convinced and take a couple steps toward her feet. I look, and I witness the first part of my daughter coming into the world. I see the top of her head bursting into our lives. Tears, instantly pop out of my eyes and stream down my face.

I didn’t think it was real, up until that very moment. I was always supportive, I made myself fall more in love with the woman having my child, I did everything I could fathom to be the best partner and dad. But honestly, a part of me assumed it would never even happen. She was on drugs for the first five months of pregnancy and stopped it all the day she found out. I thought for sure something would go wrong. But there she was, rushing into our lives in the arms of a speeding angel. Perfect in every way.

I made sure it was okay to leave Aria’s side to supervise them weighing her and all. I stayed very close making sure she was safe. Her crying, cold, uncomfortable face just wanting back inside where it was nice and warm and quiet.

They finally complete their initial tasks and hand her to me wrapped tight in a small baby blanket. Katalina. She’s my baby girl. I hold her in my arms and vow to never let anything bad happen to her. She can’t. She can’t be hurt. She can’t be wronged. I would protect her from it all. Forever. I’m her Dad.