Dirty Messy Love

I made a promise to you. And that meant something to you.

I lied to ur face. Flat out, lie. I knew before I even made that promise I had zero intention of keeping it. And that’s just wrong.

I had all my reasons. My daughters. But reasons don’t make it disappear. I still did it. I still lied to you.

I’m so sorry I did that. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to lie to you.

You got pregnant and I decided to be the best dad and boyfriend I could possibly be.

Then I fell more and more in love with the woman having my baby. It was amazing!! Your excitement, ur joy, ur love, it was all boundless! And the most adorable thing I’ve ever been a part of.

We had our baby girl. It was incredible. Spectacular.

I married you. I knew we’d be together forever. Our daughter was proof. So much love. But a lot of fear too huh? You were scared. I was… doing the right thing? Being practical? Idk. I was thinking through it. Not feeling through it…

Then I left on deployment and it was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Leaving you guys.

I came back! Wow. You were a knockout. Drop dead gorgeous. I still remember spotting you at the airport in that dress. And we couldn’t even make it to the restaurant. Barely made it out of the parking lot. 😂😂

Then we fought a lot. A lot. For months. I don’t even know what about. But I know I was extremely unhappy at that point. Nothing I did mattered. I’m not sure why.

I don’t think you were happy either? Maybe we could’ve figured it out. But I had another deployment.

And that was the beginning of the end wasn’t it?

It was just a downward spiral from there. Fourteen years more. With some good times sprinkled throughout. A ton of good times. Millions of happy memories to visit. With you, with our babies, even with our in-laws. Lol

Lots of friends came in and out of our lives. Soooo many. Too many? Lol

We did our best. We had a lot to deal with. From lots of different angles. And we handled it the best we could in the moment.

I’m so sorry I didn’t do better. (Screen is blurry 🙄🙄)

I always say it’s never too late. It’s not too late for us to do better. I think we’ve already started. It’s a long road ahead. And I think we’re gonna do just fine.

I imagine us working together for our girls forever. Giving them shining examples of what a human can be: accomplished, strong, hurt, brave, diligent, mistaken, redeemed, graceful, forgiven, loved…