Dirty Messy Love

I’m ashamed to say I took my daughters’ love for granted for 14 years.

I thought it was assumed. I thought it was a given. They’re little, young, naive, it doesn’t count…

But when it’s gone…you’ll run through fire to get it back. When it’s gone your soul falls from your body flat on the floor, broken, torn. A love that no matter what, you’ll never get back the same.

I want to tell her. I want to show her. I want her to know the pain she’s causing me because maybe then she would stop. Maybe then she’d love me again.

Aren’t I lovable? Don’t I deserve my daughter’s love?

It’s gone forever and coming to terms with that would mean death so I have to deny it. I have to pretend. I have to lie and convince myself it’ll all work out in the end. She’ll come around, some day.

The truth is: I’ve lost her. She’ll never run to me again squeezing the life out of me unable to let go. She’ll never fall asleep on me again. She’ll never nuzzle noses with me…

…maybe.