Dirty Messy Love

They hate me. How am I the bad guy?

I kept us together. For 15 years I kept us together. I was the one holding the house together with my own two hands as it ripped me apart day after day.

She drank herself to divorce and she’s the hero. She’s the victim.

How do I fix it? How do I mend it? Why don’t I deserve their love? It’s killing me not knowing. I don’t see an answer and so I assume there isn’t one which means it’ll never happen and so where does that leave me?

Nowhere.

Nowhere because I’m nowhere without them. Nowhere because if I can’t have their love then what’s the point?

I heard somewhere, “it’s not their job to love you. It’s your job to love them.”

I agree. 100%. But that’s a tough phrase to live.