Dirty Messy Love

I was getting pretty emotional on my 45min drive home from work today. Mostly the same stuff that’s been rattling around in my head the past few days, weeks, years. Listening to sad folk music, putting me in a trance.

I envisioned myself coming home to my daughters and just breaking down crying. Letting them know I’m not always fun dad. I’m not always happy excited dad. I’m not one who can’t bleed, feel, be hurt. I’m just another human trying my best every day and constantly feeling like I’m coming up short. I miss their mom but I can’t tell em that. I miss having someone and they can’t know that it’s a certain void they’re unable to fill.

Alas, I came home and I did none of that. I put back on my mask. I wore my smile again. It wasn’t fake, per se. Seeing them and making them happy allows me to smile.

I wish they knew.