Category: Uncategorized
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Inevitable Sorrowful Light
I often feel lost; as I’m sure everyone does with varying frequency. I just have this melancholy feeling take control. This feeling of helplessness, loneliness, and sorrow all at once. It can be a bit paralyzing. But then usually, shortly after, I do something that brings me comfort: maybe I see my cat or dog…
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Selfless
I’ve lived apart from my daughters for a year, and also 9 months. There’s a big difference in point of view: alone, there’s much more introspection. Every minute is all about yourself. What to do next, eat next, watch next, who to see next, maybe gym, maybe nap, cook, or eat out, call a friend,…
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Rest
I get off work, get home, and lie down. I don’t do dishes. I don’t vacuum the house. I don’t clear cardboard in the garage. I don’t do laundry. I don’t shower or clip my nails. I get in pajamas, and I bury myself in a giant, soft, cushiony comforter; emphasis on the comfort. I…
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Masks
I was getting pretty emotional on my 45min drive home from work today. Mostly the same stuff that’s been rattling around in my head the past few days, weeks, years. Listening to sad folk music, putting me in a trance. I envisioned myself coming home to my daughters and just breaking down crying. Letting them…
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Loved?
I didn’t feel loved as much as I felt…needed. As in medicinally. As if my presence was required to not go off the deep end. The deep end of thoughts, and anxiety, and destructive behavior. I couldn’t leave. I could barely go to the store alone. Much less have a conversation about divorce… Any time…
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Hindsight
Could I have loved her if I tried harder? What if I just focused on and appreciated her love for me, because it was endless. Could that have sparked something inside me, giving me the realization I needed? Broken down the barrier that I had up? Maybe. Maybe that would’ve been enough. Maybe it was…
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Liar
I Lied To save my family I Lied To keep my daughters safe I Lied To give my babies a mom and dad I Lied To protect their future What does that make me? Do I deserve punishment? Do I deserve banishment? Does the why even matter? I’m so lost…
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Rage
I wanna scream. I wanna throw my lamp across the room. I wanna smash my phone with a rock. I wanna push my tv on the floor. I wanna punch through my wooden headboard. I wanna break my fist on my concrete wall. Sounds pretty violent. It’s just this rage inside that I never even…
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Home
To go home To belong To feel loved To be missed To give love To melt in their arms To be squeezed to death To not be let go To be loved beyond comprehension
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Smiles
Adrian. It’s all gonna be alright. It’s all gonna work out.We’re gonna smile and look up at the blue sky sun shining and smile, thinking about how this life of ours is finally great. And all this anguish was just a tiny blip.
Dirty Messy Love 